This writer seem to read my mind perfectly and took the words right out of my mouth. How often we are guilty for being a parent that “give their children all that they never had” and then feel really guilty for spoiling them? Then again in other times, when we see them not appreciating the things that they have nagged them with "If you don’t appreciate your things, I’ll give them all to the poor children.”

But then again, the children now live in such a materialistic world. The bombartment that they get from the various media and peer pressure is really crazy. So, I suppose as parents, we must also cut them some slack about this. I am sure, we as parents are also caught up somewhat in this.

We must however, try our best to thankful for what they have and also sensitive to others who have less and not be envious of those that have more. Wow, I suppose this is a hard thing to do but then again whoever said that parenting is easy and neither is growing up!!

Until the next time, cheers.

Sunday Star, October 2, 2011

When less is more

By REBECCA CHIENG

Giving a child what she needs, not what she wants, teaches her appreciation.

 

I THINK affluence and gratitude have an inverse relationship. In all likelihood, the more one has and the more easily it is acquired, the less grateful one tends to be.

Take pencils, for example. When I was a child, my frugal mother bought only what was necessary and never threw anything away. So we would use our pencils until they were as short as my little pinky.

If I told mum my pencil was already too short, she would promptly put a pen cap on its tip and say: “There, you can still hold it. Don’t throw it away ... wasteful!”

So, in my pencil case, I had a lot of little, short pencils with pen caps on them. A new, long pencil was an item of luxury to me.

Many times in primary school, I would look enviously at my classmate who had beautiful, mechanical pencils kept in pink pencil boxes with buttons on them. Whenever she pressed the boxes, tiny drawers would pop out, yielding a sharpener or an eraser. It was the “cool” stationery to own then.

So, in the footsteps of parents who want to “give their children all that they never had”, I relish buying pencils and all kinds of stationery for my daughter. I get very excited when she receives stationery sets as birthday or Christmas gifts, party packs or door gifts.

“Yeah, Barbie/ Dora/ Hello Kitty/ Cinderella pencils!” I’d say to her. She is so lucky to have so many at her young age, I’d think, as I wonder if I should perhaps encourage her to pick up journal writing to make full use of them. I even ensure that her pencil case is always complete.

Imagine my vexation when I find pencils or erasers under her bed, in the living room and behind the couch, or missing when she needs to use them. My constant reminders escalate to nagging and then threats of, “If you don’t appreciate your things, I’ll give them all to the poor children.” But these backfired when she called my bluff by saying: “Mmm, OK, go ahead…” and nonchalantly returned to playing with her toy.

Back then, my mother would frequently say: “You children are so fortunate that you don’t even realise your own good fortune.” I am so tempted to repeat that phrase to my children when I see them using a stationery item once or twice, then discarding it, just so they can open a new set. Or, when they take a bite of a cookie, only to pass it to mummy or daddy because they want to take another.

Thankfulness does not lie in parroting the words “Thank you” just because parents nudge children to do so. It should be part of their attitude, instilled into them through daily habits like caring and being responsible for their possessions.

Thankfulness lies in not being picky about food, or fussy about the brand of their clothes or shoes. It is also about valuing the gifts received on special occasions instead of whining, “But all my friends have an iPad2 now!”

As one generation fares better than the one before it, the scale of appreciation also seems to decline. We, well-meaning parents who seldom deny our children what they want – let alone need – are perhaps unintentionally cultivating a generation of youths who feel that their blessings have become their entitlement.

Is it any wonder that by the time they are of employment age, many jobs in the market are “beneath them”, either because the salary is not high enough or they require too much hard work?

Therefore, what should we do to encourage an attitude of gratitude in our young ones?

Perhaps we should first take time to reexamine our own attitude of giving. It wouldn’t hurt to do what our parents did – give them only what they need and no more. We could also teach them to think about giving to others, not just some unseen “less fortunate soul”, but the people close to them – for doesn’t charity begin at home?

I hope we do not have to resort to boot camp treatment to have our children come running back to us, remorseful and filled with indebtedness.

Meanwhile, I’ll withhold all my daughter’s pencils for now and just give her one every year until she finishes university.